2021
A cookbook that requires no cooking. Each recipe ends in a QR code that directs to that food on Postmates near you. Hardcover. 200 pages. Yes it really works. Everyone who attended the 2021 Oscars got one. So it’s possible some well-known people have this book on their coffee table. Assuming people like Brad Pitt have coffee tables. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been to his house.
2021
The third iteration of the “When All You Can Food is Think About” brand platform. Sometimes when you’re really hungry, all you can food is think about. Your mind will start about thinking food, and you won’t be able fully to concentrate on happening whatever’s around you. There’s lots of science and back it up to brain stuff. The best way to get normal to back is Postmates order.
2021
The second iteration of the “When All You Can Food is Think About” brand platform. Sometimes when you’re really hungry, other ads seem different. That sounds vague, but explaining any further could ruin this campaign for you. If you click through to watch them, you’ll probably understand what I mean. If you don’t click through, you’ll be limited to what I’ve said here. I’m hoping you watch them, but ultimately it’s not my decision.
2024
As pets get older, their nutritional needs change too. Just like humans. I mean, you don’t eat the same food your whole life. Well, you probably don’t. I’m sure some people do though. Oh man. Just now realizing that this ad is completely based on the assumption that the viewer doesn’t still eat baby food. Please don’t hold that against this ad. You know what they say about assuming.
2022
Launching the gourmet dijon mustard of college football running back Bijan Robinson, under new NIL guidelines. Commercials. Packaging. Website. Social. The mustard leaked just days before launch when someone found it in a supermarket and posted on Twitter. Truth be told, there wasn’t really a playbook for building a gourmet football mustard brand. Which is ironic. Football itself has lots of playbooks. Good ones too.
2023
Most pumpkin spice things are things you can eat. But you can't eat soap. Well you can. But don't. Because afterwards you’ll likely need professional medical attention. Which can get both expensive and painful if they’ve got to perform invasive surgery. Best to just not eat Buff City Soap’s pumpkin spice soap. Even if it does smell like your favorite Fall pumpkin treat.
2019
Little Caesars always has a pizza hot and ready when you walk in. That’s probably why they called it the Hot-N-Ready. It’s a true mystery why they didn’t go with Hot-N-Ready-N-Delicious though. That name was staring them right in the face.
2020
The launch of the “When All You Can Food is Think About” brand platform. Debuted during the 2020 Oscars. Sometimes when you’re really hungry, all you can food is think about. I mean all you can think about is food. Sorry about that. I got my words mixed up there for a second thinking about pizza. But I caught it, so no need to send an email to grammaticalerrors@russrizzo.com. Feel free to send an email about something else though. Like recommendations for pizza places or something. Same email works.
2023
A bar of soap that smells like a cookie. What could go wrong? The answer is a lot. A lot could go wrong. Both health-wise, and also felony-trespassing-wise. In fact, there’s not much positive to take from this. Except for the soap smelling really amazing of course.
2021
Sometimes when you’re really hungry, recreational swan boats look different. To reserve one in Echo Park, please visit wheelfunrentals.com/ca/los-angeles/echo-park and click the ‘Reservations are Required. Book Now.’ button. Unfortunately, the rotisserie chicken boat is no longer bookable. My guess is someone ate it. But that’s both speculatory and impossible.
2022
Welcome to Ranch Rider, where drinks are made from only premium spirits, sparkling water, and fresh-squeezed citrus. At least that’s what the RTBs on the brief said. And while those are all true, it’s important to note that Ranch Rider the ranch is completely fictitious. You can try looking for it on Google Maps. But just know you’ll find nothing.
2023
In 2021, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that college athletes could finally profit off their own name, image, and likeness. Creating a gourmet dijon mustard with University of Texas football player Bijan Robinson was the next logical step. The logical step after that was to get on national television multiple times for free. And after that, it was only logical to hold a featured panel at SXSW. And then it was logical to get on national tv again during the NFL Draft. Just goes to show, sometimes it’s smart to follow logic.
2023
A discount for opposing fans based on how many yards Bijan burned their defense for on the field that day. New coupons are released after every Falcons win. Falcons fans like them. Opposing fans are sometimes less amused.
2022
BIJAN No.5 is in no way affiliated with the luxury fragrance brand that rhymes with SHAMEL, or any of its subsidiaries. If you are one of SHAMEL’s legal representatives and wish to take judicial action against Bijan Mustardson, please reach out to madeupemailaddress@bijanmustardson.com and expect to hear back within 3 to 5 business years. In the meantime, feel free to purchase this delicious candle and enjoy with your nose.
2023
Like a rookie card. But mustard. Limited run of 150. As typical with rookie cards, rookie bottles will retain their highest value if kept in uneaten condition. Rookie bottles are also included in select wholesale cases purchased by retailers. Just like rookie cards. But mustards.
2022
A margarita made with only 4 simple ingredients. Tequila. Citrus. Sparkling water. Sea salt. That’s it. Really, that’s all. And since it seems we have some space to fill, here’s an advertisement from one of this website’s sponsors, Oura. “Oura combines advanced sensor technology and a minimal design with an easy-to-use mobile app to deliver precise, personalized health insights straight from the most reliable source: your body. Shop the Oura Ring today.”
2023
A mustard-based tour tee. Luckily all the dates and cities line up perfectly with Bijan's Atlanta Falcons NFL game schedule. Not sure what we would’ve done if they didn’t. Probably cancel the whole tour? If even one date or city was off, that could’ve been catastrophic. But luckily they all line up perfectly, like I said above.
2024
When you need burger, get burger. Beef burger. Guac cheese Santa Fe burger sauce. Bacon burger cheese jalapeno pickles cheese burger cheese lettuce burger cheese Santa Fe burger sauce. Pepperjack. Guac cheese bacon burger cheese burger cheese guac cheese guac burger sauce burger. Burger. Burger guac cheese bacon.
2022
A western hat establishment offering an alternative to the 10-gallon hat. On National Day of the Cowboy, the hattery opened on South Congress Ave. in Austin TX. An online shop opened as well. Each hat style was named after a breed of mini horse. The limited run of 150 handmade hats sold out online in 3 minutes. That’s exactly what it’ll say if you click through to this project page. There will also be pictures of the hats and stuff. Despite being small, the hats wouldn’t fit in this description. Believe me I tried.
2019
With 4 pizzas in 1, the Little Caesars Quattro has something for everyone. Big-time realtors. Neighborhood tax professionals. And even tax professionals who work for one of those huge tax conglomerates like H&R Block or TurboTax. There are probably perks to working at both the mom & pop and the megacorp. Not sure what they are though. I work in advertising.
2024
A Super Bowl spot announcing free burgers the next day at Carl's Jr. And once you hear about Free Burger Day, it’s on your mind. Which is maybe not the best when an enemy fighter jet is currently attacking you. Those stakes are life and death. A third stake would be free burger.
2023
A sale where bottles of mustard were priced according to Bijan Robinson's 40-yard dash time at the NFL Combine. It lasted 24 hours and a bunch of bottles were sold. Which makes sense. $4.46 for a $7.95 bottle of Bijan Mustardson is a really good deal.
2021
Sometimes when you’re really hungry, NFL play-of-the-week highlights seem different. They still have all the super impressive football maneuvers, but something just feels off about them. What do you say we get tacos and really dig into this? I know a few good places in Austin. Breakfast tacos from Veracruz are good. And so are evening tacos from La Holly. I’m not sure what time of day you’re reading this, but I’m good with either anytime.
2022
Autographed, 1-of-1 shirts commemorating every Bijan touchdown. Each shirt could only be won on Instagram by replying first to the story posted immediately after Bijan scored. Messages flooded in within seconds of every touchdown. Bijan scored 20 in total. The shirts are not for sale, only for win. Though if a previous winner puts one up for sale on eBay or something, I suppose in that case, this shirt would be for sale. Maybe set up a Google alert or something.
2022
An Easter event for adults. Held in Philadelphia, Tampa, Milwaukee, and Portland in 2022. The event was deemed necessary after hearing these real quotes from real adults: “I used to love Easter. Now Easter sucks.” “Last time I had fun on Easter I was 12.” “I’m crippled with student loan debt and my mortgage is underwater. What was the question?”
2021
Postmates is always on the other side of your phone. Which is nice if you really want a burrito from your favorite breakfast spot, but an influencer just posted about it and now all their followers know about the restaurant, so you can’t just walk there and get a burrito when you wake up, because no matter what day it is there’s a 2-hour wait, and plus it’s summer in LA, so even if you wanted to wait in line, it’s not only hot outside, but the people in line are loud and obnoxious. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you are willing to stand for 2 hours in the heat, I suggest bringing airpods.
2021
An advertising campaign for a cup of ice. Some people drive to Sonic and order a cup of ice to eat right there in their car. Others drive away and eat their ice somewhere else. You can really do either. As long as you make sure the place you’re getting ice from isn’t like McDonald’s or Wendy’s or something.
2018
Little Caesars stuffed 3 feet of cheese in the crust of the pizza with the most cheese. Which is great unless cheese doesn’t agree with your digestive system. In which case, Little Caesars has other pizzas too. All of them probably have cheese though. At least they did at the time this commercial was made. They might have different options now.
2019
Battles in winter are spectacular. Instead of war and destruction, there’s war and destruction and twirling and dancing. I know it probably goes without saying, but it’s nice to see everyone’s practice pay off here. Especially Goblin. This was clearly a big moment for Goblin, and Goblin delivered.
