2023
In 2021, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that college athletes could finally profit off their own name, image, and likeness. Creating a gourmet dijon mustard with University of Texas football player Bijan Robinson was the next logical step. The logical step after that was to get on national television multiple times for free. And after that, it was only logical to hold a featured panel at SXSW. And then it was logical to get on national tv again during the NFL Draft. Just goes to show, sometimes it’s smart to follow logic.
2023
Most pumpkin spice things are things you can eat. But you can't eat soap. Well you can. But don't. Because afterwards you’ll likely need professional medical attention. Which can get both expensive and painful if they’ve got to perform invasive surgery. Best to just not eat Buff City Soap’s pumpkin spice soap. Even if it does smell like your favorite Fall pumpkin treat.
2023
A discount for opposing fans based on how many yards Bijan burned their defense for on the field that day. New coupons are released after every Falcons win. Falcons fans like them. Opposing fans are sometimes less amused.
2023
A shelf made of scaffolds. Weighs just under 400 pounds. Held together with ratchet straps. Please note, this shelf is a tip-over risk and must be attached to a wall securely with the hardware provided. Seriously. This is not IKEA. Do not ignore the “must attach to wall” thing. These are very heavy and dangerous scaffolds.
2023
A mustard-based tour tee. Luckily all the dates and cities line up perfectly with Bijan's Atlanta Falcons NFL game schedule. Not sure what we would’ve done if they didn’t. Probably cancel the whole tour? If even one date or city was off, that could’ve been catastrophic. But luckily they all line up perfectly, like I said above.
2023
A bar of soap that smells like a cookie. What could go wrong? The answer is a lot. A lot could go wrong. Both health-wise, and also felony-trespassing-wise. In fact, there’s not much positive to take from this. Except for the soap smelling really amazing of course.
2023
For the high-performance office. There’s only one way to tell this cabinet is supercharged, and it’s not how smooth the drawers slide. You can tell this cabinet is supercharged by the Italian luxury sportscar manufacturer decal on the upper right. Once again, it’s not how smooth the drawers slide. Though they do slide pretty smooth.
2023
For placement only. Still waiting on final copy. Once the creative department has some options, we’ll get everyone else's opinion. You can never have too many opinions. After the entire group has come to an agreement, we’ll present the option we like to the client, along with a bunch of other options we don’t believe in as much. This shows them how many ideas we have. Naturally, we’ll end up moving forward with one of the options that wasn’t as good but we showed anyway. After a few rounds of revisions to that one, we’ll finally get to very safe copy that everyone on both sides feels whelmed about. And that’s what will ship to the tattoo artist. Assuming legal clears it of course.
2023
Like a rookie card. But mustard. Limited run of 150. As typical with rookie cards, rookie bottles will retain their highest value if kept in uneaten condition. Rookie bottles are also included in select wholesale cases purchased by retailers. Just like rookie cards. But mustards.
2023
A burgled burglar mask. Some burglars claim to be burglars, but you shouldn’t always trust them. One way to verify that the burglar you’re looking to hire is legitimate, is by checking their mask for an anti-theft security tag. If it doesn’t have one, they may have paid for it honestly. And you never want to hire an honest burglar. That would just be plain stupid.
2023
A sale where bottles of mustard were priced according to Bijan Robinson's 40-yard dash time at the NFL Combine. It lasted 24 hours and a bunch of bottles were sold. Which makes sense. $4.46 for a $7.95 bottle of Bijan Mustardson is a really good deal.
2023
New Balance 407's. Stolen from Steve Carell in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. If you have not seen the movie, I recommend it. These shoes are stolen from the guy in the jeans. Again, metaphorically. I didn’t steal the actual shoes. Steve is not looking for me. Please do not call the cops.
2023
The website you’re on right now. A portfolio site designed like a search engine. As is typical with search engines, there's a search function. If you’d rather not use the search, there’s a menu icon in the upper right. And there’s no rule or anything that says you have to use the search. It’s completely your decision. A search engine was just the inspiration for this design. So naturally, one had to be included.
