The hunger is real. And it’s important to be real on BeReal. It’s just a bonus if your face looks flattering from the angle you scan the restaurant QR code from. Bringing up the menu is the goal. Getting a hot thirst trap photo while doing it is simply a nice to have.

The day after the Super Bowl was Free Burger Day at Carl's Jr. And once you hear about Free Burger Day, it’s on your mind. Which is maybe not the best when an enemy fighter jet is currently attacking you. The stakes are life and death. A third stake would be free burger.

A bar of soap that smells like a cookie. What could go wrong? The answer is a lot. A lot could go wrong. Both health-wise, and also felony-trespassing-wise. In fact, there’s not much positive to take from this. Except for the soap smelling really amazing of course.

A shelf made of scaffolds. Weighs just under 400 pounds. Held together with ratchet straps. Please note, this shelf is a tip-over risk and must be attached to a wall securely with the hardware provided. Seriously. This is not IKEA. Do not ignore the “must attach to wall” thing. These are very heavy and dangerous scaffolds.

A discount for opposing fans based on how many yards Bijan burned their defense for on the field that day. New coupons are released after every Falcons win. Falcons fans like them. Opposing fans are sometimes less amused.

Most pumpkin spice things are things you can eat. But you can't eat soap. Well you can. But don't. Because afterwards you’ll likely need professional medical attention. Which can get both expensive and painful if they’ve got to perform invasive surgery. Best to just not eat Buff City Soap’s pumpkin spice soap. Even if it does smell like your favorite Fall pumpkin treat.

A mustard-based tour tee. Luckily all the dates and cities line up perfectly with Bijan's Atlanta Falcons NFL game schedule. Not sure what we would’ve done if they didn’t. Probably cancel the whole tour? If even one date or city was off, that could’ve been catastrophic. But luckily they all line up perfectly, like I said above.

The website you’re on right now. A portfolio site designed like a search engine. As is typical with search engines, there's a search function. If you’d rather not use the search, there’s a menu icon in the upper right. And there’s no rule or anything that says you have to use the search. It’s completely your decision. A search engine was just the inspiration for this design. So naturally, one had to be included.

A burgled burglar mask. Some burglars claim to be burglars, but you shouldn’t always trust them. One way to verify that the burglar you’re looking to hire is legitimate, is by checking their mask for an anti-theft security tag. If it doesn’t have one, they may have paid for it honestly. And you never want to hire an honest burglar. That would just be plain stupid.

Like a rookie card. But mustard. Limited run of 150. As typical with rookie cards, rookie bottles will retain their highest value if kept in uneaten condition. Rookie bottles are also included in select wholesale cases purchased by retailers. Just like rookie cards. But mustards.

A sale where bottles of mustard were priced according to Bijan Robinson's 40-yard dash time at the NFL Combine. It lasted 24 hours and a bunch of bottles were sold. Which makes sense. $4.46 for a $7.95 bottle of Bijan Mustardson is a really good deal.

For the high-performance office. There’s only one way to tell this cabinet is supercharged, and it’s not how smooth the drawers slide. You can tell this cabinet is supercharged by the Italian luxury sportscar manufacturer decal on the upper right. Once again, it’s not how smooth the drawers slide. Though they do slide pretty smooth.

In 2021, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that college athletes could finally profit off their own name, image, and likeness. Creating a gourmet dijon mustard with University of Texas football player Bijan Robinson was the next logical step. The logical step after that was to get on national television multiple times for free. And after that, it was only logical to hold a featured panel at SXSW. And then it was logical to get on national tv again during the NFL Draft. Just goes to show, sometimes it’s smart to follow logic.

New Balance 407's. Stolen from Steve Carell in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. If you have not seen the movie, I recommend it. These shoes are stolen from the guy in the jeans. Again, metaphorically. I didn’t steal the actual shoes. Steve is not looking for me. Please do not call the cops.

For placement only. Still waiting on final copy. Once the creative department has options, we’ll get everyone’s opinion. You can never have too many opinions. After the entire group has come to an agreement, we’ll present the option we like to the client, along with a bunch of other options we don’t believe in as much. This shows them how many ideas we have. Naturally, we’ll end up moving forward with one of the options that wasn’t as good but we showed anyway. After a few rounds of revisions to that one, we’ll finally get to very safe copy that everyone on both sides feels whelmed about. And that’s what’ll go on Russ’ legs. Assuming legal clears it of course.

BIJAN No.5 is in no way affiliated with the luxury fragrance brand that rhymes with SHAMEL, or any of its subsidiaries. If you are one of SHAMEL’s legal representatives and wish to take judicial action against Bijan Mustardson, please reach out to madeupemailaddress@bijanmustardson.com and expect to hear back within 3 to 5 business years. In the meantime, feel free to purchase this delicious candle and enjoy with your nose.

Autographed, 1-of-1 shirts commemorating every Bijan touchdown. Each shirt could only be won on Instagram by replying first to the story posted immediately after Bijan scored. Messages flooded in within seconds of every touchdown. Bijan scored 20 in total. The shirts are not for sale, only for win. Though if a previous winner puts one up for sale on eBay or something, I suppose in that case, this shirt would be for sale. Maybe set up a Google alert or something.

Launching the gourmet dijon mustard of college football running back Bijan Robinson, under new NIL guidelines. Commercials. Packaging. Website. Social. The mustard leaked just days before launch when someone found it in a supermarket and posted on Twitter. Truth be told, there wasn’t really a playbook for building a gourmet football mustard brand. Which is ironic. Football itself has lots of playbooks. Good ones too.

A western hat establishment offering an alternative to the 10-gallon hat. On National Day of the Cowboy, the hattery opened on South Congress Ave. in Austin TX. An online shop opened as well. Each hat style was named after a breed of mini horse. The limited run of 150 handmade hats sold out online in 3 minutes. That’s exactly what it’ll say if you click through to this project page. There will also be pictures of the hats and stuff. Despite being small, the hats wouldn’t fit in this description. Believe me I tried.

A margarita made with only 4 simple ingredients. Tequila. Citrus. Sparkling water. Sea salt. That’s it. Really, that’s all. And since it seems we have some space to fill, here’s an advertisement from one of this website’s sponsors, Oura. “Oura combines advanced sensor technology and a minimal design with an easy-to-use mobile app to deliver precise, personalized health insights straight from the most reliable source: your body. Shop the Oura Ring today.”

After the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June 2022, it became dangerous to use digital period tracking apps. Which was all of them. Except Period Tracking App, the only period tracking app that tracks your period for you and only you. Because it’s paper. And you keep it in your bathroom. Once your app is marked, please avoid sharing photos of it on social media. It’s also very important to not let government officials in your bathroom. If your privacy is compromised by a government official being in your bathroom, please dispose of your app completely by lighting it on fire. You can always download a new one here for free anytime.

Some entrances aren’t for entering. Some entrances are just there because that’s how the house or apartment was designed and changing the entrance into a solid wall would be a lot of work. Not to mention the monetary cost. Labor and materials are expensive these days. It’s a lot easier to just let your guests know which entrance to use. Which is definitely not the one by this mat.

Welcome to Ranch Rider, where drinks are made from only premium spirits, sparkling water, and fresh-squeezed citrus. At least that’s what the RTBs on the brief said. And while those are all true, it’s important to note that Ranch Rider the ranch is completely fictitious. You can try looking for it on Google Maps. But just know you’ll find nothing.

An Easter event for adults. Held in Philadelphia, Tampa, Milwaukee, and Portland in 2022. The event was deemed necessary after hearing these real quotes from real adults: “I used to love Easter. Now Easter sucks.” “Last time I had fun on Easter I was 12.” “I’m crippled with student loan debt and my mortgage is underwater. What was the question?”

A trip to IKEA. Drawn on IKEA bags. Framed in IKEA frames. Unfortunately IKEA doesn’t make markers that rival the quality or brand recognition of Sharpie markers. So the markers used on these were not from IKEA. Hopefully that doesn’t lessen the value of them though. I should really just rewrite this and not talk about the markers. It’s probably best if I don’t mention Sharpie at all. They’re not even that prestigious anyway.

Sometimes when you’re really hungry, all you can food is think about. I mean all you can think about is food. Sorry about that. I got my words mixed up there for a second thinking about pizza. But I caught it, so no need to send an email to grammaticalerrors@russrizzo.com. Feel free to send an email about something else though. Like recommendations for pizza places or something. Same email works.

A cookbook that requires no cooking. Each recipe ends in a QR code that directs to that food on Postmates near you. Hardcover. 200 pages. Yes it really works. Everyone who attended the 2021 Oscars got one. So it’s possible some well-known people have this book on their coffee table. Assuming people like Brad Pitt have coffee tables. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been to his house.

Sometimes when you’re really hungry, NFL play-of-the-week highlights seem different. They still have all the super impressive football maneuvers, but something just feels off about them. What do you say we get tacos and really dig into this? I know a few good places in Austin. Breakfast tacos from Veracruz are good. And so are evening tacos from La Holly. I’m not sure what time of day you’re reading this, but I’m good with either anytime.

Sometimes when you’re really hungry, recreational swan boats look different. To reserve one in Echo Park, please visit wheelfunrentals.com/ca/los-angeles/echo-park and click the ‘Reservations are Required. Book Now.’ button. Unfortunately, the rotisserie chicken boat is no longer bookable. My guess is someone ate it. But that’s both speculatory and impossible.

Sometimes when you’re really hungry, other ads seem different. That sounds vague, but explaining any further could ruin this campaign for you. If you click through to watch them, you’ll probably understand what I mean. If you don’t click through, you’ll be limited to what I’ve said here. I’m hoping you watch them, but ultimately it’s not my decision.

A clothing brand made to be worn by non-essential workers and sold to benefit essential workers. The first release featured a colorway to benefit pandemic relief workers called Pandemic Black. Please only wear while working from home. Seriously. Do not wear WORKFROMHOMEWEAR out and about. Not even on quick errands. Not even if it’s chilly out.

An advertising campaign for a cup of ice. Some people drive to Sonic and order a cup of ice to eat right there in their car. Others drive away and eat their ice somewhere else. You can really do either. As long as you make sure the place you’re getting ice from isn’t like McDonald’s or Wendy’s or something.

Sometimes when you’re really hungry, all you can food is think about. Your mind will start about thinking food, and you won’t be able fully to concentrate on happening whatever’s around you. There’s lots of science and back it up to brain stuff. The best way to get normal to back is Postmates order.

Postmates is always on the other side of your phone. Which is nice if you really want a burrito from your favorite breakfast spot, but an influencer just posted about it and now all their followers know about the restaurant, so you can’t just walk there and get a burrito when you wake up, because no matter what day it is there’s a 2-hour wait, and plus it’s summer in LA, so even if you wanted to wait in line, it’s not only hot outside, but the people in line are loud and obnoxious. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you are willing to stand for 2 hours in the heat, I suggest bringing airpods.

Little Caesars always has a pizza hot and ready when you walk in. That’s probably why they called it the Hot-N-Ready. It’s a true mystery why they didn’t go with Hot-N-Ready-N-Delicious though. That name was staring them right in the face.

With 4 pizzas in 1, the Little Caesars Quattro has something for everyone. Big-time realtors. Neighborhood tax professionals. And even tax professionals who work for one of those huge tax conglomerates like H&R Block or TurboTax. There are probably perks to working at both the mom & pop and the megacorp. Not sure what they are though. I work in advertising.

Battles in winter are spectacular. Instead of war and destruction, there’s war and destruction and twirling and dancing. I know it probably goes without saying, but it’s nice to see everyone’s practice pay off here. Especially Goblin. This was clearly a big moment for Goblin, and Goblin delivered.

There’s nothing technology can’t almost fix. Almost is definitely the key word though. This solution didn’t provide much warmth, but it did provide a nice crackling sound and a very consistent fire appearance. I didn’t even have to go mess with the logs once. I do wish it gave off some warmth though. Winter in New York was cold.

Little Caesars stuffed 3 feet of cheese in the crust of the pizza with the most cheese. Which is great unless cheese doesn’t agree with your digestive system. In which case, Little Caesars has other pizzas too. All of them probably have cheese though. At least they did at the time this commercial was made. They might have different options now.

A portfolio site made at the end of VCU Brandcenter in 2018. Carmex. IcyHot. Side Project Generator. Are you eating dinner with your father? (name of the project, not a question). Calm Incense. Game of Hands. Mr. Walker. Thank You in Advance. MeUndies.

Carmex makes your lips feel so good, you’ll want to kiss everything. Please note, Carmex® is not responsible for anything that happens as a result of you kissing something. That’s just the risk you take with Carmex®. Carmex® is not risk-free like all those other lip balms. And there are some things you should definitely not kiss. Dollar bills, for example. Or turnstiles. One last example would probably be Sharpies®.

Letters from a man in search of his new favorite sports team. His name is Rich Blizzard, and it’s unclear what happened to his old favorite sports team. I bet they had a falling out or something. Things like that tend to happen after a string of poor decisions by upper management. Not saying that’s what happened with Rich’s team. Just that it tends to happen.

The life of a man dedicated to the craft of walking. The following is a review from an unnamed critic: “There’s not much to say about Mr. Walker, other than wow. Wow, wow, wow. Believe me, if I could give it another word, I certainly would. Do you think I like writing reviews with only one descriptive word? No. It’s honestly one of my least favorite things to do. Right up there with laundry and aerobics.