The hunger is real. And it’s important to be real on BeReal. It’s just a bonus if your face looks flattering from the angle you scan the restaurant QR code from. Bringing up the menu is the goal. Getting a hot thirst trap photo while doing it is simply a nice to have.

A shelf made of scaffolds. Weighs just under 400 pounds. Held together with ratchet straps. Please note, this shelf is a tip-over risk and must be attached to a wall securely with the hardware provided. Seriously. This is not IKEA. Do not ignore the “must attach to wall” thing. These are very heavy and dangerous scaffolds.

The website you’re on right now. A portfolio site designed like a search engine. As is typical with search engines, there's a search function. If you’d rather not use the search, there’s a menu icon in the upper right. And there’s no rule or anything that says you have to use the search. It’s completely your decision. A search engine was just the inspiration for this design. So naturally, one had to be included.

A burgled burglar mask. Some burglars claim to be burglars, but you shouldn’t always trust them. One way to verify that the burglar you’re looking to hire is legitimate, is by checking their mask for an anti-theft security tag. If it doesn’t have one, they may have paid for it honestly. And you never want to hire an honest burglar. That would just be plain stupid.

For the high-performance office. There’s only one way to tell this cabinet is supercharged, and it’s not how smooth the drawers slide. You can tell this cabinet is supercharged by the Italian luxury sportscar manufacturer decal on the upper right. Once again, it’s not how smooth the drawers slide. Though they do slide pretty smooth.

New Balance 407's. Stolen from Steve Carell in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. If you have not seen the movie, I recommend it. These shoes are stolen from the guy in the jeans. Again, metaphorically. I didn’t steal the actual shoes. Steve is not looking for me. Please do not call the cops.

For placement only. Still waiting on final copy. Once the creative department has options, we’ll get everyone’s opinion. You can never have too many opinions. After the entire group has come to an agreement, we’ll present the option we like to the client, along with a bunch of other options we don’t believe in as much. This shows them how many ideas we have. Naturally, we’ll end up moving forward with one of the options that wasn’t as good but we showed anyway. After a few rounds of revisions to that one, we’ll finally get to very safe copy that everyone on both sides feels whelmed about. And that’s what’ll go on Russ’ legs. Assuming legal clears it of course.

After the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June 2022, it became dangerous to use digital period tracking apps. Which was all of them. Except Period Tracking App, the only period tracking app that tracks your period for you and only you. Because it’s paper. And you keep it in your bathroom. Once your app is marked, please avoid sharing photos of it on social media. It’s also very important to not let government officials in your bathroom. If your privacy is compromised by a government official being in your bathroom, please dispose of your app completely by lighting it on fire. You can always download a new one here for free anytime.

Some entrances aren’t for entering. Some entrances are just there because that’s how the house or apartment was designed and changing the entrance into a solid wall would be a lot of work. Not to mention the monetary cost. Labor and materials are expensive these days. It’s a lot easier to just let your guests know which entrance to use. Which is definitely not the one by this mat.

A trip to IKEA. Drawn on IKEA bags. Framed in IKEA frames. Unfortunately IKEA doesn’t make markers that rival the quality or brand recognition of Sharpie markers. So the markers used on these were not from IKEA. Hopefully that doesn’t lessen the value of them though. I should really just rewrite this and not talk about the markers. It’s probably best if I don’t mention Sharpie at all. They’re not even that prestigious anyway.

A clothing brand made to be worn by non-essential workers and sold to benefit essential workers. The first release featured a colorway to benefit pandemic relief workers called Pandemic Black. Please only wear while working from home. Seriously. Do not wear WORKFROMHOMEWEAR out and about. Not even on quick errands. Not even if it’s chilly out.

There’s nothing technology can’t almost fix. Almost is definitely the key word though. This solution didn’t provide much warmth, but it did provide a nice crackling sound and a very consistent fire appearance. I didn’t even have to go mess with the logs once. I do wish it gave off some warmth though. Winter in New York was cold.

A portfolio site made at the end of VCU Brandcenter in 2018. Carmex. IcyHot. Side Project Generator. Are you eating dinner with your father? (name of the project, not a question). Calm Incense. Game of Hands. Mr. Walker. Thank You in Advance. MeUndies.

Letters from a man in search of his new favorite sports team. His name is Rich Blizzard, and it’s unclear what happened to his old favorite sports team. I bet they had a falling out or something. Things like that tend to happen after a string of poor decisions by upper management. Not saying that’s what happened with Rich’s team. Just that it tends to happen.

The life of a man dedicated to the craft of walking. The following is a review from an unnamed critic: “There’s not much to say about Mr. Walker, other than wow. Wow, wow, wow. Believe me, if I could give it another word, I certainly would. Do you think I like writing reviews with only one descriptive word? No. It’s honestly one of my least favorite things to do. Right up there with laundry and aerobics.