Postmates: Postmate It

2021

Postmates is always on the other side of your phone. Which is nice if you really want a burrito from your favorite breakfast spot, but an influencer just posted about it and now all their followers know about the restaurant, so you can’t just walk there and get a burrito when you wake up, because no matter what day it is there’s a 2-hour wait, and plus it’s summer in LA, so even if you wanted to wait in line, it’s not only hot outside, but the people in line are loud and obnoxious. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you are willing to stand for 2 hours in the heat, I suggest bringing airpods.


Sonic: Cup of Ice

2021

Sonic ice is so good, it’s ordered plain by the cup. Some people drive to Sonic and order a cup of ice to eat right there in their car. Others drive away and eat their ice somewhere else. You can really do either. As long as you make sure the place you’re getting ice from isn’t like McDonald’s or Wendy’s or something.


Carmex: You'll Want to Kiss Everything

2018

Carmex makes your lips feel so good, you’ll want to kiss everything. Please note, Carmex® is not responsible for anything that happens as a result of you kissing something. That’s just the risk you take with Carmex®. Carmex® is not risk-free like all those other lip balms. And there are some things you should definitely not kiss. Dollar bills, for example. Or turnstiles. One last example would probably be Sharpies®.